It is a beautiful day in Oceanside and I am grateful that I live here.  Horace is sleeping and I am watching Cops.  What a life, huh?
I have opened an account on GoFundMe.  It is a website for people to beg for money.  I really had to think about doing it but thought maybe it is a lesson in humility to let others know that my financial life is non-existent right now.  I keep telling myself that there is a perfect job waiting for me and this is a passing phase but the odds are that the job I can do is being filled by a much younger person.
It never occured to me that I would get old.  What young person really can fathom what getting old means?  It is a never ending cycle of increasing vulnerability.  My lungs are bad, my back is bad, my hair is thinning, and I am fat.  Hmmmm.  That sounds pretty negative.  I guess what I am thinking is that I can not believe I would actually live this long.  I think that there are plenty of good years left to be of service to my fellows, regardless of my physical status.  My mind seems to be working pretty well.  Even though it takes me much longer than my younger colleagues to move around, I seem to be able to keep up with most of them mentally.  That is something to be grateful for.  I am glad my mind is flexible enough to hear new ideas and opinions, sift through them, and accept that there are new ways to navigate through life.  I also know that some of the ideas that I learned along the way have value and were learned through my personal experiences.
Life moves along and it moves in a unfathomable fashion sometimes.  I hope that I will not be evicted and that whatever is supposed to happen I will be able to accept it without too much complaint.
My friends tell me God has a plan.  I accept that and know deep within me that it is true.  However, sometimes I become frustrated because I do not know what the plan is. So, I put up the website to get some help and hope that those that have helped know how much I appreciate them.  I also have applied for many jobs and so far, none of them have panned out.  I will be starting a part time job on campus in August and going to school full time.  I will be working with children and that will be fun.  MiraCosta has a great day care program so I am sure I will be learning new things everyday.
I hope that I will be in better circumstances one day and that I will be able to pass along what has been given to me. I do not consider that the other circumstances in my life are bad.  I have wonderful children, many friends, and a loving family.  The blessings that are in my life are boundless.
So I am running headlong into the breach and life is never boring.
Love to you all.

Wow, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?  I can not believe the turn around in my life in the past 3 years.  That's right, it will be 3 years on June 7th that I have been unemployed.  I am seriously looking for work again since I have no money for the summer but I am hoping the market has opened up enough that I can find something to sustain me and Horace until the Fall semester begins. I have enrolled in college and am finding that it is difficult and sometimes overwhelming but I love the interactions with my peers and professors.  Of course, there are moments when I think, "What the hell am I doing here"?  I guess I am finally grown up enough to work toward something and hope I am able to keep pushing through until I get there. What am I pursuing?  I am working toward a degree in Psychology so I can work with Marines with PTSD.  Letty, the counselor, also gave me a couple of options regarding the degree I should pursue. It looks like I can get an Associates of Liberal Arts with an emphasis in Science. I think that sounds impressive. After that I will hopefully go to CalState San Marcos to get my Bachelors, etc.  One step at a time.  
The counselor at MiraCosta told me to eliminate the negative thinking and just do it.  Hmmmm...that sounds familiar.  Peg would have given me that advice.  Although, she would have said, "Just do it a day at a time."  So, my fear of math has put me behind schedule but hopefully I will be able to get caught up next semester. At least, I tested into college English although I took English49 this semester and am really glad I did.  The professor is amazing and the class refreshed my memory enough to improve on my academic writing.  I can't say my creative writing has improved, though. 
One amazing event took place last year when Neya graduated from MiraCosta.  I am so proud of her.  Neya is the busiest person I know.  She began SDSU last fall and is working her ass off going to school and running her own business.  Catalyst Massage is going well and there are now three massueses to choose from.  I have always been astounded at Neya's capacity to work but am so happy she found the self-confidence to open her own business.  Keep your eyes out for her monthly specials.  Getting a massage from Neya is a real gift. 
Another busy person is Kiya, my youngest child.  Kiya opened an online shop on Etsy and is always coming up with different crafting ideas.  I think many of her "pieces" are fabulous. Of course, she is also working at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and running around with her friends.   Kiya marches to her own drum and I like that.  My drum has always sounded a bit offbeat.  I know my offspring are the masterpieces of my life.   I love my children.
Another big event in the last 3 years was losing Peg Wehler.  She was my mentor, friend, and confidante.  I really miss her.  May 1st was her birthday and I have been thinking about her a lot this month.  She died September 3, 2013.  I am grateful that I was able to be there for her in the last couple of weeks of her life.  I always was available to her but going to school really impacted how often I could see her.  Peg gave me hope throughout our association.  She raised 8 kids and whether they believed she did it well, she gave them everything she had to give.  Peg was not an affectionate person but she loved deeply and I knew that she loved me.  I loved her sense of humor because it was based in the reality of life.  I don't think she ever took herself too seriously and that reminded me to relax and go with the flow.  
Too much has gone on in the last 3 years to write it all down, but suffice it to say, I am happy and filled with hope.  I am also grateful I am able to feel "hope" and all the other emotions that come along with life.  Peg is the person that helped me change my thinking, which changed my feelings, which changed my behavior.  
I need to get my ass in gear and study for finals so hopefully, I will be able to write a tidbit here and a tidbit there until I catch up with this blog.  If not, it is not a big deal. 
I hope my friends are enjoying their day.  I send prayers and love to all of you.
Mitik'u ye O'yasin.